Today, we buried my aunt. She passed away a week ago after a battle with pancreatic cancer. I have nothing but good things to say about my aunt. My mom is significantly older that her brothers and sisters. I entered my teen years when she met and married my uncle-in-law. As soon as they were married, they moved across the country when my uncle entered the dental program with the U.S. Military.
I was in high school when they had their first of two daughters. They moved back to the West Coast and took residence in Barstow, CA. Needless to say, I would only connect with my aunt at family events and holidays. As the introvert would say, we had a casual respectful relationship.
The clock counts down on my life, revealing the names and images of the people in my life, I should know better. The nagging guilt that you missed out on knowing a wonderful person and explicit guilt that I could have taken the initiative. Thanks universe.
The sphere of those who pass is growing closer and closer to me. My aunt is the first person to pass that I had known, spoken, shared life stories and knew would be around at the next family function. I always thought, I’d see her at the next holiday, which would have been Christmas. My family is supposed to live forever. My grandparents (on my mother’s side) both lived into their 90’s. We are work horses. As I approach my 50’s, I know I need to take better care of myself.
As I sit here at Forest Lawn, I think about my aunt. I also think about my family. At this very moment in time, I’ve given into my introverted tendencies. I talk very little to anyone. Be available and show no affection to anyone. I’m a ghost that everyone sees. My invisibility powers aren’t working right now. Now my apprehension levels rise and self-consciousness kicks into overdrive. I don’t want to be here, but at the same time, I want to be here for my aunt.
Next week is the memorial at my old church. My aunt will be rightfully honored. For me, I will have to manage the guilt, I feel learning about the aunt I wish I knew better.
Honestly, I got to see movies with great comedians to laugh. What’s with all this “I want to be a dramatic actor.” Sure, they may pull it off and give us a facsinating movie to watch, but please I want to laugh. I want to roll on the floor and not breath for several minutes. Is that too much to ask from the best comedians to come out of Saturday Night Live in a long time?
I saw Bill Murray in “St. Vincent” on Friday and walked away floored and sobbing like a baby. Yes, I cried. You wanna make something of it?
“St. Vincent” is a well made movie and Bill Murray is at his finest. It’s more drama than comedy. This is definitely chick-flick material. Although “Groundhog Day” is still his best movie.’
Why is he so good? He manages to walk that line of over-the-top character and grounded reality. This guy could really exist. In movies, like “Ghostbusters” and “Meatballs,” Murray’s characters tend to be the wacky guy with a heart of gold. In “St. Vincent,” he’s the guy whose heart turns to gold over the course of the movie.
I may have mentioned it before but I currently work for various ride-sharing companies to make money, while this writing thing takes hold. I like driving and meeting new people and it’s helping me with introvertiness.
Never in my life have I ever had women flirting with me. I’m the one that always has to initiate encounters with women, usually to disastrous results. Now that I have a wife and kid, I no longer need to be involved in these mating games.
Never in my life? Twice this week, I’m having a really good conversation with very attractive women and things get pretty flirty…on her end. I’m very loyal to my wife, kid and marriage, so my first instinct is not to go down this road. I’ve got to stop the flirtation.
So let’s get into this. Instinctually, I casually drop the fact that I’m married and have an amazing 7-year-old kid. You would think this is enough. No, I guess things are so desperate in society that the fact of married-with-kids is not a deterrent.
What worked? “I’m going to turn 50 in a few years.” I now have to the air conditioner off, because it got really cold fast. What was that? I just heard a pin drop. I think I just killed my 5-star rating for this ride. “Ah yeah…my grampa’s 50…”
It’s hard for me to accept that at the age of 50, I’m the coolest I’ve ever been. Thank God I’m married. I just can’t see myself taking Lyfts and Ubers to bars every weekend or even attempting to hit on girls once again. Enough with the ego stroking. It’s time to go back to fat, old me.